09.10.09 Where has the week gone?

Another week has almost gone, the weekend will be crazy, so thought I better get my wee blog in, or Ali might growl when she comes to stay on Monday… hehe.

Thanks so much for all the words of encouragement and advice. What a great big family we are all, and during the difficult times, it is nice to know you are not alone.

I have had a good week so far, in my food choices and exercise, that is. Been feeling more positive, and had a couple of enlightening moments.

On Monday I made the pantry more ”safe” and threw out some lollies – and ”released” my addiction to them… it actually felt great!!! Yah, and have avoided the carrot cake that has been at work all week, and all those other evil food choices…

Not sure I am feeling ”positive” about seeing Damian and Phyllis on Monday night, (would have preferred to be back to goal when I saw them next) but I am telling myself positively, this is all my journey, I am not perfect, just human, and as I have not given up, just had a learning experience for a while ( I needed to learn how to cope with major stress, and not revert back to my old ways).

So, I will hold my head up high, and know in a short time I will be back at goal, and am working hard towards this goal.

One lightbulb moment, was in listening to Damian’s call on Tuesday night when he was discussing about health rather than weight, and realising that even though I had been not as focused  as  I should have been, my body is definitely healthier… Yah

The second lightbulb moment was in relation to our business partner….. I woke up one morning, and realised in a lot of ways he has been treating me in the same way as my ex husband treated me for years…..   Okay, so I can’t walk away from this one, but I am stronger and wont go back to that place either…. so will learn how to cope with this situation and put strategies in place.

Here’s to the new Dawn…  she is in control….. and is focused!

Have a great weekend… hope the snow doesn’t arrive, although as I am writing this, it is pouring outside, so will be back to the inside exercise again over the weekend, and trying to stay warm…at least I have a heater in the office, as it is paperwork and more paperwork for me (along with my exercise)

01.10.09 New Month New Beginning

So much for my blogging at least twice a week… that didn”t last long did it?

I am still struggling to find my form, and put myself first above work and committments, and so am failing to plan my meals and exercise sessions….. hence a bigger Dawn than she should be!

I am still making excuses like ….not enough time, stress of work, an annoying business partner who is trying to drive me crazy I’m sure ….. (and I’m not meaning Grant when I talk about business partner).

But at the end of the day, they are just that… excuses!. I am always going to have stress at times, the business partner is not going to just disappear, lol, so I have to make contingency plans  or coping mechanisms to deal with all these problems so I can re find that focused motivated girl.

Alison has suggested I need to have a rebirthing for this new girl, as the old one’s not there any more, but I need to think on that one a bit more…. haven’t got all this mind stuff sorted yet, can’t quite get my head around it all.

I think there is a lot buried deep within that needs to surface so I can address it and then get on with living, but trouble is, I don’t know what it all is.

Damian suggested I would know what I am hiding from in regards to the weight I used to carry, but trouble is… I don’t.

There is just so much more than we realise to losing weight, eh. It all seemed so easy at the beginning… lose the weight, and then carry on. But in reality, it is so much more than that….and that is what I am struggling with…..

I am slim, I am eating healthy, and I am fit……    fake it until you make it, says Phyllis.

I will try and find more time to tune more into the challengers and our conference calls and revisit them more often, like I did do on the first challenge.

Take care everyone.

16.09.09 It’s been a long time coming

It has been a long time since blogging and checking to see how our like minded family are doing, and I have to stop procrastinating, and get back into the fold and starting to put myself above everything else.

I had been back to my old ways of comfort eating which I am really good at in times of stress and strain, but am back on track and trying to begin releasing what I have put back on.  (The Excuse) – I had been trying to carry out the work of three people, so was working all hours, not taking breaks and not getting enough sleep, so everything else fell by the wayside. However I know I am so worth being healthy and happy, so over the last few weeks have started geting back into exercise and proper eating. Boy, do you put it on quickly, and lose the fitness easily. 

 I just don”t think buying into this business was very condusive to my well being so am struggling with trying to appease two partners… not an easy task, I can assure you…. but in the meantime I am going to have to learn to stand up for myself, and remember I am confident and capable, and admit defeat if it all gets too much, lol. Early days yet tho, will just monitor things and remember I am only one person.

Note to self:  Be good, stay focuesd, go home early enough to exercise, eat healthy and get some sleep, and blog at least twice weekly.

Yeh, I will get back down to goal ….

Funny story:   couple of sundays ago I had had enough of paperwork, working hard, and was getting into the cupboard to pinch some of Grant’s cruskits and cheese… had all the goodies out on the bench to make this oh so naughty picnic, and turned on the T V to just blob out while I was going to eat, and Damian’s picture came on…. Repeat of downsize me… OOPS…. so all the goodies etc went back away out of sight and out of mind, and I watched the rest of the programme which reinforced my determination from then on.

Moral of the story:   Instead of a downsize picture of me, I need one of Damian: hehe

05.08.09 Good Loss

Don’t you just love or hate those scales, lol. This week they were okay, lost 1kg, so a step closer back to that goal.

I know we aren’t supposed to focus so much on them, but am afraid I would rather see them each day and know how good (or bad) I have been. I do need to learn not to be so hard on myself if I have had my 20%, (or a bit more) and have put  on- and am slowly getting the right attitude about that, and that’s why I kept on feeling like a failure and just keep on eating.

But now with the right mindset, I can allow myself to have some treats and just get back on the game the nest day - it will just take a bit longer to reach that goal – but that;s okay- this is my health and for life-

See, I am getting the right attitude eh, lol, and it is making me feel stronger and more empowered. 

Now I just have to learn about all the things I have buried deep within, and learn to release them to make me a whole strong person – I have started on a good book by Doctor Phil about your inner self – will take quite a while to understand and know about what I really want out of life, but hey that is what all this journey is all about – discovering the person we have been hiding from – each day is going to be a learning process – so long as I don’t let myself get bogged down with work and all those stresses.

Guess what?   I actually stopped trying to continue working late last night and so, beacuse I was so tired, I went to bed early!!!! And do I feel better for it today — You bettta I do!   Good girl!

Goal for today – Be good, listen to my body and  ….. 64 64 64

finding time to blog 03.08.09

Hi all, it is now time to spend some time and get back into the blogging game again…. it is so easy to immerse yourself in all the normal work and home pressures, and forget about what we are here for, and that is to concentrate and focus on beciming the best we can be…and that is not something I have been good about.

However, that is slowly changing.. and I am back to re finding that slim chick who finished the first challenge so well.

I am back in control and going really well now, so am really proud of myself… I know it has taken a lot of tooing and frooing, but I have put all that behind me and am concentrating on wellness, which I need lots of.

After the second retreat I thought I was back on top of the game, but I ended up really sick with some bug or whatever, and was in bed for two weeks, so took a bit of effort to get back into the exercise mode when the energy levels were still at zero, but slowly and surely we are back through the other side, so now it is back to two lots of exercise most days, and most meals are perfect.. YEhaa!

OOps, started writing 84 again…. what a mind, still got a long way to catch up, lol.

64 – 64 – 64- here we come again.

Thanks so much all you lovely family who took me under their wing and helped put back the pieces and got me through the feelings of failure… you all know who you are, I really appreciate it, you are so wonderful. I dont know how to thank you for just being there, but you helped so much. What would we do without all our new family, eh. Here’s to them, and good health. We all deserve it.May we all have fantastic results tomorrow.

15.06.09 Motivation didn’t last long

What a pain in the butt I am, I can’t seem to make the good habits last long… had a really good week, felt really motivated at long last, felt more like the girl that completed the first challenge, went for a long bush walk with a wonderful friend on Saturday, then completely lost it again Saturday night and Sunday, straight back to the bad food choices. 

I don’t know if anyone else has their brain constantly thinking about food all the time, but mine does. I am working away on the computer or talking to people, and it is there thinking about bad choices, it doesn’t think about fruit, or good food choices though. It is really wierd, man, that other side of me has a really bad demon!

So anyway, here I am again, didn’t want to get on the scales this morning, thought I would have put on a bit , but no, totally disallusioned, yuk!!!!       Even more weight to release… I am never going to be back down to goal by the retreat. How awful, feel even more like a failure, and I know Iam supposed to see this as a challenge, not berate myself, but I am really good at beating myself up, but not so good about the positive praise. Lots to learn eh.

I know my thyroid functions got all out of wack in the winter as we don’t see any sun, lol, and that really plays havoc with energy, tiredness, motivation and moods, but I HAVE TO STOP making excuses and get on with it.

Weigh in tomorrow, and will be another gain if I don’t pull myself together. Work hard, exercise lots when I get home…. I did do 30 minutes this morning, but was just a walk, no little jogs as had no energy.

Stay strong

11.06.09 Good Mindset

Well, I can finally say for the first time on this second challenge that my mind is finally back on the job in hand and in the right frame.

It has taken a lot of weight gain and time, but am finally feeling more positive and motivated…. but it took me to realise that if I kept on eating the wrong food choices and put on the weight as quickly as I did last week, when I was so down and disgusting, it would only take me eight weeks to get back to where I had started from! Talk about mind blowing!!! and a reality check.

I am not going down that track, so have got rid of this sad self -conscious person, and got back to the motivated one, albeit a very tired one. I realised I will not do myself or the business any good being overweight and tired etc, so am now back to focusing on making time for exercise at 5am before work ,and doing another 30 minutes as soon as I get home form work, before I continue with other work.

I know I feel better after eating good choices and exercise, so that is my focus again.

I am going on the retreat now… pretty daunting as I have lost so much fitness, but as a lovely friend told me, it is a waste of energy worrying about what other people think, the most important thing, is I am going, I will do the best I can and I am back on track and this is definitely for life…. I will learn to continue at 90/10 or 80/20 and control my bad eating habits.

Have a great day, go hard and strong…. goal again , here I come

27.05.09 A god bite

Well it was another huge day yesterday, so no time to blog, oops and after I promised too, but sorry body, it was 12.45am when we finally hit the sack, after meetings and finally getting home, but at least it was also no time to eat, lol, apart from the good food we managed to cram in between work and meetings.

But because we knew what this week was going to be like, Grant and I cooked a bit over the weekend and made up some vegetable frittata and smoked chicken casserole, so hey presto, lunch and dinner made for when we don’t have time…. forward planning goes a long way, and stops that bad mindset.

So this morning, as I hadn’t done any exercise yesterday, it was back to the 30 minute walk/jog on treadmill at 6am, and I really gotta admit it, I do feel less stressed and more motivated for doing it, another long day at work, then back home, stoke the fire, coz man it’s freezing down here, then back for another 30 minute session of weights and cross trainer.  Put tea in the oven to heat, make the salad. I am so proud of myself….

It’s funny, you are going along so well until you spot the bag of coconut rough sitting on the bench that one of our clients made for us, and which unfortunately Grant bought home. MMmmm coconut rough…. salad….????

Yeh you guessed, the will power’s not that good, but mercy of mercies, I managed to stop at one…. Yeehah, I will call that a god bite and a minor victory … I did manage to stop myself, wouldn’t have done that last week, or the week before, so I will call that progress.

So tomorrow, it will have to be a good exercise session, and I passed the bags of coconut rough onto my son Jason’s partner… she loves chocolate, and yeah I know it’s not good for her either, but at least it got it out of my sight, (and now out of mind)

I will get stronger, my mind set will stay focused on my goal, and no god bites tomorrow!!!!

Have a great one

25.05.09 Another good day

Well, I have managed another good day… I evenmanaged to get up, or should I say, Grant “persuaded” me to get up at 5.30am so I could have my lemon ginger drink then exercise, then breakfast and I must admit it does help to make you feel better, even if you do start the morning dragging the heels a bit to start the exercise, but the end result is worth it.

I survived the long day without eating anything bad, no cravings until I got home, (after avoiding the carrot cake at work) but went straight inside, got the fire cranked up, then went and exercised again, so avoided the temptations. It actually feels great knowing I am going to commit to the  routine I had before on the first challenge, and once I am back at goal, I will just have to rework how much I can fit into my schedule, but I do have to concentrate on planning and achieving some “me” time, as if I burn out through too much work, bad choices and no exercise I will not be any use to anyone.

One step at a time, one day at a time, at the moment, until I am strong enough to say “no” to my cravings and mind… I don’t need bad choice foods, I need good mind foods to keep me going.

Good luck for weigh in tomorrow, hope it’s a good one, and I will be a little lighter again… YEH!

24.05.09 I’m Back

And I won’t say sorry- even though I am really good at it.

I know it’s been a long time, (a month is it Bex ) and I wont make excuses, even though life has been absolutely crazy, but the biggest reason has been feeling sorry for myself, and feeling like a failure, as I have really gone off the rails and reverted back to my old insecure self who depended on food to cope with the stress etc.

So hence, I feel like a beached whale, and Phyllis is really correct when she says you actually feel worse than when you did at your heaviest point. In my eye’s , when I look in the mirror I  still see myself as looking really heavy, and even though Grant tells me I still look good, I don’t see that. Funny Huh?

Anyway, No excuses, I have to get off this treadmill that life has become, and get back to focusing in some “me” time, and that will consist of exercise and eating well again. I know the rules, I can apply them again, and I will get back to goal. And I will become passionate about being healthy and this programme again.

However, it’s late, I’m really tired, it’s been so full on since the middle of April, but I will do my best to check in and describe my feelings more fully each day, and take an interest in how the rest of “our family” are going, and I will stop feeling a failure, and be the success I know I can be again.

We are all so worth it!!!!!

Be good, exercise well, and stay away from the junk foods!